I wanted to write to thank your ministry for completely transforming my life.

Almost two years ago, I’d innocently clicked on a video that I should never have watched. It was an online video about a Christian man who said that he had a heart attack, died, and had gone to hell because he was not living a life pleasing to Jesus.

The video triggered a fear of abandonment inside of me due to some traumatic childhood abuse I had endured. Within seconds, it was as though everything around me collapsed and I had a severe panic attack from thoughts of being abandoned by God. This extreme fear caused me not to be able to eat and sleep for almost two months. I was skin and bones and all I wanted to do then was to hide in bed.

Desperate to find out whether what the man said on the video was true, I started searching the scriptures to see if there was something that would have caused God to abandon me. That was when I read about the unpardonable sin. I became tormented day and night with the fear having committed this sin. I thought I had committed this sin because I had spoken words against the Holy Spirit and had thoughts that were extremely horrible toward God.

I tried listening to praise and worship music just to get away from my thoughts. My doctor and my family tried to medicate me, but it did not help. Every ministry and church that I went to during that period said that to be saved, I had to accept Christ and be a good Christian. I tried repenting and writing down every sin that I could remember. I even got re-baptized hoping that it would cleanse my past so that I could be a good Christian after that.

But the more I tried to be good, the more I would fail and the more hopeless I became. I felt completely abandoned by my family and God. I could not find a place of rest for my mind or my heart. I was so desperate for something to give me a glimmer of hope and the only hope that I found came in a piece of mail from your ministry that spoke of a TENDERHEARTED Jesus. I just kept reading those words over and over. That was the Jesus that I knew my whole life until all of this started happening to me.

I ordered your book, Destined To Reign, and read that you also thought you had committed the unpardonable sin and that you had a similar mental torment. It gave me so much hope to know that someone who is being used in such a mighty way by the Lord experienced this as well. Jesus used your suffering to speak hope to me and make me realize that I am not ALONE. This fear was finally totally settled by your book, The Power of Right Believing, when you pointed out that Jesus’ sacrifice was PERFECT. He did not leave out a single sin.

It settled in my heart once and for all that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. It was also amazing to learn that I am not going to become unrighteous because of my thoughts, because God sees me as righteous based on Jesus, my High Priest, and not my thoughts.

The more I read your books and heard your sermons, the more my life began to be restored. My mental state began to be sound and I began to have hope. The love of Jesus has made me strong again. The Lord also revealed to me the truth behind my extreme fear of being abandoned. I am confident that because Jesus has brought me this far, He will complete the good work that He has started in me to heal me of my childhood trauma as well.

I thank God for your ministry every day! I will forever remember how the Lord used your ministry to restore my life. Thank you for teaching me that healing is received by faith not works, and that Jesus has purchased my healing on the cross. I know God still loves me and now I can boldly enter the throne of grace again because as He is, so am I in this world.