Ever since I was a child, I had lived in a world of both mental and physical abuse. I was constantly being told that I was stupid by my parents and that I would never amount to anything. I endured years of being molested and was almost beaten to death by my father. On top of that, I was gang raped when I was twelve and have been in horribly abusive relationships. As a result, I turned to drugs, sex, and whatever was available to just make it through the day.

Because of my father’s abuse, my mother, brothers, and I had to escape from my father and we moved to another state. After we moved, my mother, having discovered freedom, put the responsibility of the care of my siblings solely on me. To her, I was a live-in babysitter and housekeeper. She never once told me she that loved me, nor did we ever spend any time together. Instead, whenever I begged her to spend time with me, she would get angry and tell me that she had every right to go out with her friends. I did not have a childhood and I became a “mom” to my brothers at the age of eleven. So I rebelled and starting sneaking out of the house to see my friends.

Later in life, I got married twice but both marriages failed. Then, at one point, I actually felt like things were going to turn around for me. That was when I just had my second child. But the father of the child was terribly abusive and, like my own mother, I had to escape for fear of my life. After I left him, I managed to hold down a good job and found an apartment. But he had threatened to make my life a living hell if I ever left. And he kept his word.

He found someone, got married, and decided to take me to court for custody of my child. Everyone kept telling me that I did not have anything to worry about, that I was a good mom. But in the end, the judge ruled in his favor even though this was a man with a history of abuse and alcoholism, and had been arrested many times. He won because he was married and had the support of his family, while I was single mom and had no support from anyone.

So I had to give my son away on his second birthday. I could not believe this was happening to me. That was the final straw. I knew then God hated me and I wanted my life to end. I thought about how to kill myself because I could not endure any more pain in my life.

At that lowest point in my life, I cursed God. I had always believed in God and could not understand why He let all of those things happen to me. I wondered why He hated me so much that I had to be put through all that mental, emotional, and physical pain. I felt cursed. No matter how hard I tried or what I did to change my life around, nothing ever worked out. I felt I had no hope, no way out, and I wanted it all to end. But something inside me just would not let me follow through. Something inside said, “Don’t give up, have hope.” I had another son who needed his mother. I was all he had.

Pastor Prince, for the past fifty-two years, I lived life in a haze, just surviving day to day with no purpose. But since I have been listening to your messages on grace, it has changed my life. All of my past beliefs had brought me condemnation and the feeling of being cursed. But now, I feel blessed and I feel loved for the first time in my life. I no longer feel condemned. I have an absolute faith and trust in our Lord Jesus. I know He loves me and I know that our Father only wants good things for His children.

God has lifted me up out of the pits of hell and has brought a new understanding and sense of purpose in my life. He has even placed it on my heart to reach out to others who are suffering and bring them hope. By His grace, I have been able to start an organization to reach out to people who were like me, depressed and contemplating suicide. I plan on going to schools, churches and wherever I am directed to bring awareness to those with suicidal tendencies and to help them see God’s love for them.

Instead of cursing God, I now thank God for all He has brought me out of and help me overcome. What an amazing blessing! Thank you, Father God! And thank you, Pastor Prince, for your message of truth.

God bless and to God be the glory!!